Drunken Movie Ramblings

Tomorrow When The War Began (2011)

2011-02-02T20:52:00.006Z

Remember Red Dawn back in the mid 80's? Thought not, well this was a bonkers movie about the invasion of the USA by the mighty Soviet Union and a group of High School kids single handed battle with those damn Commies, daft silly fun but entertaining.

Well fast forward nearly three decades and we get this, which is very similar but is actually based on a series of books and the action and oppression is now set in Australia.A group of school friends go on a weekend trip away from it all, when they return they realise the Country has been invaded by an un-named Country (North Korea?) and their family and friends have either been killed or 'imprisoned'

Minus points first, well this is one cheesy movie, the end credits in particular, the dialogue's pretty wooden, but on the plus it's quite humorous at times and the action is as good as some Hollywood blockbusters.

Likeable, but largely forgettable.

*****

Let Me In (2010)

2011-01-24T09:26:00.004Z

I Spit On Your Grave, Last House On The Left, Dawn Of The Dead, Quarantine, Halloween, Friday 13th,the list of Hollywood horror remakes grows by the year, and if they're not remaking an 80's 'nasty', they're doing the same to a foreign language film, be it Japanese (The Grudge, Ringu) or Spanish ([REC]),now to add to the list, is a remake of the excellent Swedish vampire flick 'Let The Right One In'.

Instead of a Stockholm suburb the film is relocated to New Mexico but the 1980's setting is wisely kept.The two leads Kodi Smit McPhee (The Road) and Chloe Moretz (Kick Ass) are both superb, this adaptation is pretty faithful to the original in plot, tone and pace, but again the question with theses remakes is '"why?".Is it because film-makers feel we can't watch a foreign film and read subtitles, or is it because Hollywood lacks original ideas and finds it easier to plunder the back catalogue of films we might not have heard off or have probably forgotten about?

Yes to all the above I feel.An excellent film as it stands but please make sure you find the time to watch the haunting original.

*****

I Spit On Your Grave (2011)

2011-01-23T10:36:00.005Z

Unless you've been living under a rock you'll know that this is a remake of the notorious 'nasty' of the same name made back in the late 70's.A lone woman, Jennifer Hills, is tortured, humiliated and raped by a bunch of rednecks, she 'escapes' but is presumed dead......

This movie really is a film of two parts, the first part is really tough going, very brutal and quite ugly as you would imagine, the 'second part' though is where the fun begins, revenge is on the menu and boy does she dish it out!!! Rednecks get castrated, sodomized with shotguns, dunked in acid filled baths and eyed plucked out by hungry crows, YEE HA!

If you're a fan of blood and guts then you'll love it, anyone else should probably stay well clear......

*****

127 Hours (2011)

2011-01-07T12:56:00.005Z

Director Danny Boyle's no stranger to producing ground breaking movies, stylishly shot, pounding soundtracks, involving plots and great characters, and '127 Hours' adds to his great resume.

The incredible true story of climber Aron Ralston (James Franco) who whilst exploring the isolated canyons of Utah, slips and find's himself pinned to a canyon wall by a boulder.The hours go by, these turn to days, his water is running out, he come's to the realization that the only way to escape will be to cut his own arm off....with a blunt pocket knife.

There are similarity's to the excellent 'Buried' but this is a different kind of film as we experience flashbacks into Aron's past, how he became a selfish 'loner', he makes a video diary, expressing his regrets at not caring for others as much as he should have.Franco is excellent, the scene when he films an imaginary talk show with himself is brilliantly acted and also a great comedy moment.

Don't let the subject matter put you off (yes it will make you wince-the sound effect when he cuts through a nerve!!!!) this is a great film, finely acted and beautifully shot, and in some sort of sense, a feel good flick!

*****

The Fighter (2011)

2011-01-02T09:21:00.007Z

Based on the true story of Irish/American boxer Mickey Wards unlikely road to a shot at the world light middleweight title in 2000.

Great performances from Mark Wahlberg as Ward and Christian Bale as his troubled wayward brother Dicky, The Fighter is a finely paced and beautifully shot real life Rocky tale, warts and all.

Well paced and never needlessly over dramatic, The Fighter is a fine start to 2011's movie calender.

*****

Dog Pound (2010)

2011-01-01T09:40:00.002Z

Pretty much a remake of the late 70's British borstal classic 'Scum', this is every bit as hard hitting.All the key scenes from the original are here, the rape/suicide, the initial "who's the Daddy" rise to power (though thankfully none of the dialogue is needlessly replicated) and the riot finale as the inmates anger explodes.

Dog Pound though adds a few original touches, the film is slower paced than Scum, with the violence and tension brought to a boil over a much longer time, the largly unknown cast are excellent, the characters shuffle around, sizing each other up......

Dog Pound was a real 'pleasant' surprise, mature, raw, adult and well acted with a fine sledgehammer final shot.

*****

Grotesque (2009)

2010-12-30T21:10:00.002Z

An unnamed Doctor kidnaps a young couple and tortures them both physically and sexually for his own twisted pleasure, there, that's the plot, well, what else is there to say?

Well for starters this sicko Japanese torture porn flick makes one of the Saw or Hostile films look very tame, eye gouging, disembowelment, genital mutilation, amputation by chainsaw, this is serious hardcore horror only for those with the strongest stomachs and is quite unrelenting.

Recently the film was deemed so sadistic that is was point blank refused a certificate by the BBFC stating "given the unacceptable content featured throughout cutting the work is not a viable option in this case and the work is therefore refused a classification"

Sick and twisted it is still a well directed film with a suitable grim ending, approach with caution folks!

*****

Saw 7 (2010) aka Saw 3D

2010-12-28T13:29:00.005Z

Well it's the seventh in the series, episode one was a fine entry back in 2004, but since then it's been pretty downhill all the way, high in gore, but low in plot and interest into anything that happened to any of the odious characters that we have met.

This promises to be the final episode, minus points, well the characters, dialogue and plot is a dull, convoluted and slightly tedious as ever, the plus points are scarce, but the gore is set to 10 and we do get a genuine 'close' to the series.....thankfully.

*****

Buried (2010)

2010-12-25T09:13:00.004Z

An American truck driver, working in Iraq, wakes up to one of man's greatest fears, being buried alive, he finds a lighter and mobile phone, how can he tell the outside world where he is?

The Film runs in 'real time', there are no outside shots, just a camera fixed on Ryan Reynolds for its 90 minutes running time, this is as far from your typical a Hollywood Summer blockbuster that you could wish and what a stunning piece of cinema director Rodrigo Cortes has achieved.Reynolds is superb, the movie is tense throughout, who has Kidnapped him, can he trust who he is talking to?

One of the great movies of 2010 and packs a sucker punch of an ending that will leave you stunned.

*****

Bonded By Blood (2010)

2010-12-23T00:39:00.005Z

'Bonded By Blood' is incredibly the third movie (after 'Essex Boys' and 'Rise Of The Foot Shoulders') to be loosely based on the true events of 1995 when three drug Lords were cold bloodedly murdered in Rettendon, Essex.

'Bonded..' offers us nothing new but still is fairly entertaining, ridiculously sweary, violent, tense cockerknee gangster nonsense and some fairly good performances from the cast, especially the value for money hardman Tamer Hassan , the biggest surprise is the non-appearance of Danny 'proper naughty' Dyer!

Like a Big Mac, KFC or clicking 'private browsing' on your web browser whilst the other halves shopping.....a guilty pleasure.

*****

The Last Exorcism (2010)

2010-12-13T10:20:00.004Z

A Minister agrees to allow a documentary team film his last exorcism as he wants to expose his previous 'work'.Yes it's shaky camera horror time, a giant mix of 'The Exorcist', 'Paranormal Activity' with a finale that has a slight 'Wicker Man'/'Cannibal Holocaust' feel!!!

It's creepy, slow burning and well acted, is the 'subject' Nell (Ashley Bell) really possessed or is this one big hoax, or are more sinister facts about to be uncovered?

At time's terrifying, sometimes a bit silly, occasionally bonkers, this is still worth a punt on a Saturday Balti+beer night.

*****

The Town (2010)

2010-12-12T08:57:00.008Z

Directed by and starring in 'The Town' is Ben Affleck who's directorial debut was the superb 'Gone Baby Gone', and Affleck betters that with this release, yes it's that good.

A tale of friendship, deceit and bank robberies.The action is high octane, brilliantly shot in the bustling streets of Boston, the drama and acting of the highest caliber, Affleck is excellent. ably supported by a fine cast including Rebecca Hall as Afflecks love interest Claire and Jeremy Renner as his best friend, the slightly psychotic James.With a 2 hour plus running time this film never drags it's heels, top class 'adult entertainment' similar in class to 2006 'The Departed'

One of the must see movies of 2010.

*****

13 (2010)

2010-12-11T12:38:00.005Z

13 is a remake of the 2005 French/Georgian release 13 Tzameti.A young man desperate for money follows cryptic instructions that he steal from a dead man, the instructions lead him to an underground gambling syndicate where the 'game'.......is Russian Roulette, and there will be only one winner.

To be honest I'd never heard of either films, I don't think the US remake got a UK release but when I saw the cast (Jason Statham, Micky Rouke, Ray Winstone, 50 Cent) I thought it had to be worth a punt.It's a tense, bloody affair, enlightened slightly by a manic performance by Michael Shannon as the 'host' of the event Henry, he stands perched on a step ladder SHOUTING instructions,eyes wild for the entire movie, like Joker without the make-up!

Worth a shot, pun intended.

*****

Hatchet 2 (2010)

2010-12-07T00:19:00.006Z

You know what you're in for here when after less than 10 minutes some redneck gets throttled by his own intestines until his head literally 'pops' off, then we're straight into a death metal soundtrack and seat belts on people for 90 minutes of corn ball plot/acting and OTT un-rated gore!

This is pure 80's slasher territory, seen 'Friday 13th'? So have the makers of this flick, deformed maniac on the loose in the woods reaking revenge on those who have wronged him, the acting and plot are pretty dire but it's still pretty good late night beer + pizza entertainment with the gore cranked up to 11!

*****

Takers (2010)

2010-12-05T11:26:00.010Z

A seasoned bunch of bank robbers live out a life of luxury after a successful heist are lured by a friend and ex con to do one more job....the big one.

Plus points, well it's a pretty good cast, The Wire's Idris Elba (with dodgy cockerknee accent), Matt Dillon, Hayden Christensen, Zoe Saldana etc but sadly the movie is one big clichéd mess with mumbling dialogue, seen it all before action set pieces, bodies and bullets fly across the screen including a near finale that would rival a certain scene from 'Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels'...but without the humour and tongue in cheek.

Fairly enjoyable over it's bloated 107 minutes running time but
on the whole, fairly forgettable.

*****

Cyrus (2010)

2010-12-04T10:55:00.004Z

Recently divorced John (John C Reily) meets the woman of his dreams Molly (Maris Tomei), they hit off immediately, but the relationship is tested to the max by Mollys possessive son Cyrus (Jonah Hill)

On the face of this looks like a goofy comedy, especially when you cast Jonah Hill, but this film turns out to be more than that, similar in tone to the brilliant 'The Kids Are Alright', this is more bitter sweet comedy concentrating on the characters relationships, Tomei's and Hill's at first laugh out loud but slowly turns to a quite weird, at times, down right uncomfortable!

If you're expecting 'Superbad' grossness you will be sorely disappointed, what you will get is a fine comedy/drama well worth a look.

*****

Devil (2010)

2010-12-02T21:50:00.004Z

The 'Devil's premise is simple, a group of strangers, all with shady backgrounds, are stuck in a lift, soon sinister happenings are a foot as the emergency services and Police try to rescue them....before it's too late!

Creepy, edgy and spooky, this is a fine thriller I really was expecting the worst from, why? Well when "Produced by M.Night Shymalam" name is attached to the movie you really do fear the worst, but don't, this is an edgy, tense and nervy horror/thriller with a real fine twist at the end to chew over.

*****

Unstoppable (2010)

2010-12-01T10:17:00.003Z

A Conductor and Engineer are chasing an unmanned runaway train, heading at high speed to a near certain crash in a small town next to a fuel depot, the results would be devastating.

Directed by Tony Scott ('Man On Fire', 'Crimson Tide') this is safe teritory for the experienced action director. Good performances from it's lead actors Denzil Washington and Chris Pine, this is good old fashioned old school action in the style of 1990's 'Speed'.

You pretty much know what to expect during 'Unstoppable's 90 minute journey but it's a fun and fairly thrilling ride once you're abroad.

*****

Easy A (2010)

2010-11-25T22:53:00.005Z

One of the best 'adult teen comedies' since the classic black humor of Alexander Paynes 'Election'.The superb Emma Stone plays Olive, a clean cut girl who's little white lie about losing her virginity lands her the label of an "easy A", or school slut to be more blunt.

This really is Emma Stone's movie, she is in it just about every one of it's 92 minutes running time, and is utterly charming, funny and sweet, the rest of the cast is just as engaging, Lisa Kudrow, Thomas Haden Church, Malcolm McDowell as Head Teacher, one of the films of the year for me and one of the best 'teen comedies' for some time.

"This is public school. If I can keep the girls off the pole and the boys off the pipe, I get a bonus."

*****

The Tortured (2010)

2010-11-22T10:35:00.004Z

A couples life is destroyed when their only child is kidnapped and murdered, the killer is sentenced to 25 years jail, but this is not enough, he must suffer like their child had too, just how far would you go?

"From the Producers of Saw"...not the most encouraging tagline, but don't be fooled, 'The Tortured', yes is a heady mix of Saw and vigilante Death Wish moral ism, but on the whole well acted, at time's gruesome, with the added bonus of one mighty in your face twist.

*****

The Loved Ones (2009)

2010-11-21T09:23:00.003Z

What do you get if you cross Carrie with Saw? You get this instant horror classic from Australia that's what.

I have to admit I only stumbled across this film by accident when it got a rave review at this years Frighfest, so decided to give it a viewing, boy was I glad I did.When Brent (Xavier Samuel) turns down his unbeknown secret admirer 'Princess' (Robin McLeavy) he doesn't know what a big mistake he's making!!

A heady mix of utter gruesome nastiness, superb black humour and tongue in cheek dialogue, first time director Sean Byrne has produced one of the must see horror flicks of the past decade.

"Bring the hammer Daddy"

*****

Skyline (2010)

2010-11-20T18:55:00.003Z

Well I was supposed to get my lazy white ass off the couch last week to make a (rare) trip to my local Multi-Plex, but after seeing the panning the movie was getting by the critics, I decided to crack open the cheap white at home.

So now I've seen it, is it as bad as critics say?

Well, no, but then again yes.Good points first.The Alien monsters do look good, there's some terrific action scenes and the SFX are of a very high standard, including a show stopping scene of some guy getting his head ripped clean off and devoured by an gangly ugly creature.Character development is very important in a film, something sadly the directors have put no effort in to.From the very outset we get token good looking white guy, token good looking black guy, and eye candy for the lads in the audience of course, supplied by a good looking blonde and brunette, all bases covered then.The trouble is these characters are so uniformly dull, unpleasant and you just don't give a fuck what happens to them!

'Skyline'-when it's good it's pretty good, when it's not pretty good, it's quite awful!!

*****(an extra star for the decapitation scene)

A Serbian Film (2010)

2010-11-18T20:12:00.006Z

A Serbian ex-porn actor Milos (Srđan Todoroviis) is offered one last job in the 'business', a huge money deal that will set him, and his family up for life, no plot is discussed but soon Milos realizes that he is involved in a evil mix of real life rape, paedophilia and murder for the sake of 'art.

Seen Hostage or any of the Saw movies?
Forget it.This really up's the ante in the world of so called torture-porn horror and how far you can push the boundaries, well this sick flick pushes those boundaries to bursting point, professionally acted and filmed but utterly horrifying, including possibly the most gut wrenching scene I have ever witnessed in a movie.

The British Board Of Censors recently asked for nearly 4 minutes of cuts for an 18 certificate UK release, so you are very unlikely to see the copy that I have experienced, if you are a hard core horror fan then seek it out to experience 'how far a film maker will go', any one else please steer well clear.

*****

The Reef (2010)

2010-11-15T14:06:00.003Z

Based on a true story, four friends are stranded on acapsized Sail Boat in the Great Barrier Reef when a Great White Shark starts hunting them down.The Reef is a perfectly well made, filmed and acted, quite tense, the Shark attacks are very effective....but.....I'm sorry, WE'VE SEEN IT ALL BEFORE!!

If you've seen Open Water (2003) then I'm struggling to find a reason why you should give The Reef your much valued attention, if you haven't seen it then I whole heartidly recommend it, simple as that!

*****

Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)

2010-11-15T03:04:00.003Z

Inspired by the excellent dvd box set "Video Nasties:The Definitive Guide", I decided to 'dig out' one of the previously banned infamous nasties which had somehow passed me by.I'd seen Cannibal Ferox and Holocaust many years ago, Ferox lives up to it's infamous reputation, gory,grim but great 'fun', Holocaust on the other hand is also gory, incredibly grim, but also a very well made horror movie of it's time, you'll feel the need for a shower after watching this slice of Italian sleeze.

So how does Cannibal Apocalypse size up?
Well we have the usual ingredients of an Italian shlocker, crap American actors, truly dreadful acting, appalling dialogue, but sadly the gore count is surprisingly low and I'm struggling to see what offended the authorities so much with this flick, a few people get bitten, there are a couple of stand out gore moments but it must be said theses are few and far between and the film is now readily available to buy.....though I wouldn't waste the time or money.

*****

The Machinist (2004)

2010-11-14T19:07:00.002Z

Christian Bale (American Psycho and more recently Batman Begins) stars as Trevor, a factory worker who, for reasons unknown to even himself, has been unable to sleep for over a year, but as the film builds to it's revelatory climax, the reason's for his insomnia start to become clearer.

The Machinist has hint's of Jacobs Ladder, Memento, Dark City and The Sixth Sense, and like those movies, this too is a superb piece of film-making with a shattering denouement.Bales performance is method acting to it's extreme, he lost an incredible 65lbs to achieve the skeletal frame of Trevor Teznik, and his tortured performance must be commended.

There are clues to Trevors past but you will have to pay close attention, and like The Sixth Sense this is one film you will want to re-watch in a 'new light'

*****

28 Weeks Later (2007)

2010-11-14T11:34:00.002Z

Six months after the events of '28 Days Later' and the rage virus decimated the British Isles, the US Army declares the country virus free.An area of London has been cordoned off by the Army and the area is slowly repopulated, little do they know that a hidden carrier of the virus enters the safe zone.....

I have to admit I thought the prequel 28 Days Later was a good horror film, not great, but one I enjoyed at the time but with no real sense of urgency to revisit the film.This though blew me away from the very first 5 or 10 minutes, this is one full on blood and guts horror roller-coaster, great action scenes, strong acting and some real gory scenes (the helicopter attack had me leaping from my seat)

The film looks great too, great scenes of London abandoned except heavily armed Soldiers, burnt out cars and piles of rubbish strewn across the streets.Some of the fx are spellbinding, the aforementioned helicopter attack, jets fire-bombing and gassing the streets to kill carriers and non-carriers of the rage virus, a deserted dilapidated new Wembley and as for the ending.....the icing on the cake!!

*****

Due Date (2010)

2010-11-13T12:36:00.003Z

The premise is as old as the hills, two strangers trying to get to the same destination but hindered by authority, and each other.The first comparison to spring to mind is of course the classic Planes, Trains And Automobiles, well imagine that film but with a sucker punch of bad taste.

Obviously not in the same comedy league as Planes, Trains....this is still great fun, Robert Downey Jnr is the star, another great performance he really has a great screen prescence as witnessed recently in Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes, sneering and bad tempered throughout, if he's not spitting in a dogs face he'll be suckewr punching 10 year olds!!

The movie does start slowly but does have many plenty of daft moments throughout, the 'great escape' probably was a bit OTT , but scenes like the 'coffee incident' and "you know what, I have coverage" more than make up for it in the laugh out loud category.

*****

The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007)

2010-11-01T12:22:00.003Z

If you've seen The Blair Witch Project or the more recent Paranormal Activity you'll know what to expect here.Again filmed in hand held documentary style, The Poughkeepsie Tapes tells us the "true" story of a serial killers private collection of video tapes that are discovered by the Police force of a small American town.

For such a low budget film this is on the whole well acted, not gory, but tense and very unnerving, the grainy black and white footage adding to the sense of dread and impending terror.

Well worth tracking down.

*****

The Day After (TV) (1983)

2010-11-01T10:29:00.003Z

Recently re-released for the first time on dvd, this US made for TV film was first broadcast 27 years ago, and yes, the haircuts have dated, but it's lost none of it's shocking punch.
The story evolves around the effects of a nuclear attack on a small town Kansas situated next to a U.S missile base, admittedly some of the special effects of the attack are a bit cheap looking, far more shocking are the scenes of the aftermath, the fallout, bodies reduced to dust, but for me the standout scene is the sight of the US missiles being launched from the nearby base and the horrific reality on the towns folk that there will be a retaliatory response from the Soviet Union.

Chilling stuff from a time when this event was a real fear.

*****

Review Of The Year....as it stands 29/10/10

2010-10-29T10:42:00.012+01:00

5 Stars
*Kick Ass
*Toy Story 3
*Cemetery Junction
*The Social Network
*The Kids Are Alright
*Buried
*The Town
4 Stars
*Due Date
*Four Lions
*Daybreakers
*Fish Tank
*Frozen
*Shutter Island
*The Ghost Writer
*The Crazies
*The Green Zone
*How To Train Your Dragon
*The Human Centipede
*MacGruber
*Splice
*The A Team
*Salt
*The Other Guys
*Scott Pilgrim vrs. The World
*Machete
*Monsters
*Worlds Greatest Dad

3 Stars
*44" Chest
*Legion
*From Paris With Love
*A Prophet
*Brooklyns Finest
*Remember Me
*Greenberg
*Hot Tub Time Machine
*Death At A funeral
*The Losers
*Harry Brown
*Knight And Day
*Predators
*The Disappearance Of Alice Creed
*Solitary Man
*Get Him To The Greek
*Piranha 3D
*Red
*The Hole
*A Serbian Film
*Skyline

2 Stars
*Iron Man 2

1 Star
*Cop Out
*Grown Ups

Scott Pilgrim vrs The World (2010)

2010-10-29T10:14:00.007+01:00

An every day tale of a 22 year old lad who to win the affection of his new girlfriend must battle to the death her evil seven ex-lovers.Directed by the talented Edgar Wright (Hot Fuzz/Shaun Of The Dead) Scott Pilgrim is, I suppose, Kick Ass on an acid trip!!

Totally bonkers, great witty off the cuff one liners "You just headbutted my boyfriend so hard he burst!!" fun characters, I loved Scotts gay house mate the promiscuous Wallace, ludicrous fight scenes filmed in an OTT style, this is stupid, silly, but fun packed and great entertainment from start to finish.

*****

Worlds Greatest Dad (2010)

2010-10-27T12:16:00.005+01:00

Robin Williams gets a lot of (justified) bad press for some of his choices of movies, Patch Adams, Bi-Centennial Man and Jack spring to mind, but give him a film with a strong story and role and he will deliver the goods showing what a fine actor he undoubtedly is.

Good Morning Vietnam, One Hour Photo, The Fisher King and Insomnia are just a few examples of his excellent work and Worlds Greatest Dad can be added to that list.A deeply dark drama with a slight wry black comedy (Donnie Darko/Election) twist, this is a fine movie written and directed by US comedian Bobcat Goldthwaite.

*****

Films of 2010 (last updated 21/10/10)

2010-10-21T10:03:00.005+01:00

01.Toy Story 3 (the perfect trilogy?)
02.Cemetery Junction (Gervais/Mercant produce a Brit-classic)
03.Kick Ass (funny, original, it does kick ass)
04.[REC] 2 (superb sequel, every bit as good as the stunning original)
05.Salt (The Bourne Supremacy with a 'bird and brains")
06.How To Train Your Dragon (not in the same class as Pixars classic, but a great film for all the family)
07.Green Zone (another class piece of work from Paul "United 93" Greengrass)
08.Shutter Island (Scorsese goes Hitchcock)
09.The Ghost Writer (Political drama that hits home in todays climate)
10.Rampage (Bonkers Uwe Boll goes GTA on film!!)

My Bloody Valentine (2009)

2010-10-20T12:46:00.004+01:00

Released last year originally in 3D this is a "seen it all before" slasher flick but fairly enjoyable due to it's no bars shed, in your face blood and guts attitude.There's three brutal murders in the first 10 minutes alone, pick axes through the back of victims heads, poking out the other end with an eyeball stuck on the end for good measure!

Apparently the 3D effects when viewed in the cinema were very effective indeed, they look gory and OTT enough just in 2D so I'd imagine a cinema viewing would have been a right popcorn eating hoot.

Forgettable, but gory fun.

*****

The Ghost Writer (2010)

2010-10-18T19:55:00.010+01:00

Excellent politcal thriller starring Ewan McGregor who's hired to "ghost write" the political memoires of ex Prime Minister John Lang (Pierce Brosnan).

Directed by Roman Polanski the film has a great 60/70's feel to it, excellent supporting cast including Kim Cattrall and Olivia Williams as the ex "second Lady", this is a top quality film with a great final third.

*****

Dead Snow (2009)

2010-10-15T00:09:00.001+01:00

Group of Norwegian teen/twenty somethings go on a weekend break in the middle of no-where, it all goes tits up though when they awaken a bunch of Nazi-Zombies, that's right, Nazi Zombies, not a good combination.

Gory, funny, this is a great laugh if like me you love a good splatter flick with it's tongue firmly in cheek.The majority of the carnage occurs during bright snowy daylight and it looks just great as the hugely menacing Nazi Zombie reek havoc on the dumb ass vacationers.

*****

Piranha (2010)

2010-10-12T20:07:00.005+01:00

What more can you ask for, directed by Alexander Aja (Switchblade Romance) gore galore, the film kicks off with Richard Dreyfuss getting munched, tits, ass, gore, more flesh then more flesh, believe me loads of it, getting ripped of various partying teen limbs.

The dialogue is dumb as it gets, the characters utter pricks, but who cares, faces are ripped off, bodies decapitated and Kelly Brook runs around in a bikini the whole time.

Lush

*****

Machete (2010)

2010-09-20T08:11:00.004+01:00

A modern day "Grindhouse" movie with an all star cast packed with cult heroes from past (De Niro, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, Tom Savini, Steven Seagal, Danny Trejo) and present (Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Biel, Jeff Fahey) this is perfect Saturday night popcorn entertainment.

A bloody tale of revenge, betrayal, corruption, wonderfully OTT, this is great fun, the villains are pure evil, Steven Seagal is in his element as Machete's nemesis Mexican Drug King Pin Torrez, De Niro as a corrupt racist Senator, the action's thick and fast, and he Lady's sexy, sasay and dangerous, Lindsay Lohan as a 'Nun' says it all!

If you've seen the original 'trailer' from 'Grindhouse' then you wont disappointed with the real deal.

*****

Cry Wolf (2005)

2010-08-14T12:10:00.001+01:00

Cry Wolf is your standard US slasher flick and doesn't really doesn't have anything to show or say than any of the Scream pics already have countless times.A bunch of rich college kids spread a rumour on-line of a serial killer called "The Wolf" recently was responsible for a local murder and will strike again, and soon.

The film is neither scary, creepy, tense or bloody.No, for a large preportion of it's running time the film is guilty of the worst sin of all........it's just plain boring.The film takes a good hour for anything of interest to happen and when it does you just don't care, not even the amusing appearance of Jon Bon Jovi as a tweed wearing teacher or Lindy Booth in a bikini could numb the boredom.

*****

Rampage (2009)

2010-06-23T12:10:00.000+01:00

Expectations it must be said weren't high, directed by Uwe Boll, widely regarded as one of the worst directors in the business who brought us such 'treats' as House Of The Dead, Alone In The Dark and Postal, which between them mustered ratings of 4%, 1% and 8% on Rotten Tomatoes.
But, would you believe it,Rampage, is good, actually really good.

A slightly edgy plot, a twenty something with a grudge against modern society arms himself with an array of weapons and goes on a senseless killing spree in his small American hometown.Filmed in a documentary style the film is edgy, well acted, bloody and can be best described as a film version of when you go on a killing spree when playing one of the Grand Theft Auto games!

*****

[REC] 2 (2010)

2010-06-16T09:51:00.000+01:00

The original Spanish release [REC] (2007) was a powerhouse shocker, one of the best horror release of the decade and it's subsequent US remake 'Quarantine' (2009) was no slouch either with no dumbing down for a new audience keeping all the visceral terror of the original, so, a follow up sequel....a cheap cash in?

Thankfully the answer is a resounding 'NO', following on from events in the first movie and again directed by Plaza & Balaguero, [REC] 2 is just as scary, gory and claustrophobic as it's predecessor, this time we learn more about the 'infection' and the film takes a slightly different direction than you might expect.

Two more films are planned in the next few years [REC] Genesis and [REC] Apocalypse.....I'll be in the front row. (well my Sofa only has one row)

*****

The Number 23 (2007)

2010-06-14T12:02:00.000+01:00

I have to admit, my expectation's were pretty low for this flick.The reviews have been pretty scathing, and as it's director was Joel Schumacher, who brought us the pretty lamentable 'Batman And Robin' and '8mm', I really had my reservations. Well what a surprise, 'The Number 23' turned out to be quite an engaging thriller with a pretty smart script.

Jim Carey stars as Walter Sparrow, who on his birthday is bought a book which soon takes over his life ,as becomes obsessed by the similarities the number 23 encompasses.Carey is an actor I have a lot of time for, not only in comedy but time and time again in more 'demanding' roles such as 'Man On The Moon', 'The Truman Show' and 'Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind'.Here again he holds his own with fine support from Virginia Madsen as his wife and Logan Lerman as their son Robin.

The twist is very clever and fairly believable and rounds of what was a very decent and quite unfairly criticised film.

Grown Ups (2010)

2010-05-21T10:25:00.000+01:00

Where do I begin.Take a pretty good cast, Adam Sandler, David Spade, Kevin James, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider and put them in a comedy about, um, growing up.What we get though is what can only be described as a smaltzy, smug and sentimental home movie that only the stars might be interested in watching, I had to give up after about 45 minutes.

A comedy with no laughs, just irritating characters, very little plot and no real point.

*****

The Box (2009)

2009-12-19T10:31:00.000Z

A stranger leaves a package outside a couples front door, the package contains a wooden box with a button protected by a glass dome, locked with a key, plus a note, reading "Mr. Steward will come at 5:00 pm".The following day the stranger arrives and tells the couple that if they open the box with the key he possess they will be given a Million Dollars......but a person they do not know will die.
This story was previously adapted for an episode of the 1980's series of 'The Twilight Zone' and in all honesty the story could be told in 30 minutes.The first half of the film is fairly intriguing but the second half things do get bogged down with sinister Government plots and mysterious shadowy figures.

*****

Looking For Eric (2009)

2009-12-18T19:18:00.008Z

A Ken Loach film about a Manchester Utd loving, divorced, down on his luck Postman doesn't sound like a great idea for a comedy, but this movie turned out to be a sparkling comedy gem.

To coin a footy cliche, this really is a "game of two half's", the first half we are introduced to Ken, divorced, living with his two stoner step-sons, who after stealing some weed he has a visitation form Eric Cantona who proceeds to inspire Ken in his life.The second half the plot switches to one of his step-sons who is indebted to a local gangster and is hiding a fire-arm for him.Ken won't stand for this and with the help of his fellow Posties and Utd fans sets out to resolve the matter once and for all.

You don't have to be a football or Manchester United fan to enjoy this, thoroughly enjoyable and a real feelgood movie, the final 15 minutes are a real surreal hoot.

Highly recommended

*****

Top 10 Movies of 2009

2009-12-13T14:22:00.004Z

1.District 9

Not just the movie of the year but the Sci-Fi event of the decade.

2.Up

Pixar really can do no wrong....'Toy Story', 'The Incredibles', 'Monsters Inc', a new year, another animated masterpiece.

3.The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

One of the great films of the year from one of the directors of the year David Fincher.

4.Inglorious Basterds

A fine return to form from Quentin Tarantino after the appalling snooze-fest that was 'Death Proof'

5.The Wrestler

An awesome performance from the comeback kid Mickey Rourke.

6.Gran Torino

'Million Dollar Baby', 'Mystic River', 'The Unforgiven', another classic from director/actor Clint Eastwood.

7.Slumdog Millionaire

Danny Boyle serves up a masterpiece.

8.Anvil:The Story Of Anvil

One of the feel good movies of the year, you're just urging the band to succeed.

9.Zombieland

This years 'Shaun Of The Dead-great gory fun.

10.The Damned United

Superb adaptation of the story of Brian Cloughs brief reign as manager of Leeds United in the 1970's.

Terminator Salvation (2009)

2009-12-12T20:28:00.004Z

'The Terminator', what can you say, a classic of the 80's, and a bone-fide classic sci-fi movie, the 1990's brought us it's much anticipated sequel 'Terminator 2:Judgment Day'-I don't think I've ever walked out of a movie theatre so blown away.....'Terminator 3:Rise Of The Machines'-hell I even enjoyed that!!
So here we are with a third sequel that no one really wanted and only got any real publicity due to Christian Bales on set hissy fit, is it as bad as the critics make out?

Oh yes.
And worse.

THE DIRECTOR CALLS HIMSELF MCG AND HE MAKES TRANSFORMERS LOOK LIKE A MIKE LEIGH MOVIE, EXPLOSIONS-SHOUTING-MORE EXPLOSIONS................DO YOU GET THE PICTURE!?!?!?!??
A mind numbing movie of desperate proportions so bad I had to turn it off after 60 minutes of its tortuous running time, painfull dialogue, plot holes you could park a bus in (have Skynet heard of 'thermal' heatseeking?)

Bollocks.

*****

Watchmen (2009)

2009-12-12T10:31:00.007Z

Directed by Zach Snyder ('300', 'Dawn Of The Dead' 2004)) and adapted from Alan Moore's comic book novel, 'Watchmen' is an ambitious 160 minute action hero movie for an adult audience.Set in alternate 1985 New York, Nixon is still President after winning the Vietnam war thanks to the help of the 'superhero' Watchmen, but the the world is under threat from Nuclear war, whilst the world is on edge someone is murdering the now 'retired' Watchmen......

This is an incredibly stylish 'superhero' film that is firmly aimed at mature audiences, very much like the equally impressive 'Sin City', 'Watchmen' is a dark movie with sinister characters and dangerous streets.....this is not the American dream but the American nightmare.

*****

Rogue (2007)

2009-12-11T22:55:00.007Z

Directed by Gregg McLean who was responsible for the excellent gritty slasher 'Wolf Creek', I had high hopes for this 'monster' movie.A party of tourists in the Australian outback are terrorised by a man eating Crocodile, the film is fairly tense, well made, but you get a sense of you've seen it all before, and if you've seen the excellent 'Black Water', then you've seen it done so much much better.

A good solid, if unspectacular, thriller.

*****

G.I Joe-The Rise Of The Cobra (2009)

2009-12-09T09:36:00.006Z

I have to be honest, I hadn't got a clue who or what G.I Joe was before watching this movie, apparently they're military themed action figures produced by Hasbro, so, what we have here is a U.S 'Action Man' movie?!
You thought Transformers 2 was dumb, this 2 hour crash bang wallop-fest is almost on par with that disaster!
How can I describe this flick, well, combine the soulless cgi fx of the aforementioned 'Transformers -Revenge Of The Fallen' with the painful dialogue of the 'Fantastic Four' movies, the bad guys & bunkers of 'Austin Powers' and a large dose of 'Team America:World Police'-though the acting isn't as good as in Trey Parkers classic!!
What you get here is Polar Bears, Paris and pretty girls in peril, it's much like watching your mate play the latest Call Of Duty game for two hours and not letting you have a go.
(and there will be a sequel.............)

*****

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (2009)

2009-12-08T09:46:00.006Z

Totally bonkers animated tale of a young 'nerd' Flint Lockwood who invents a machine that turns rain into food, any food be it Burgers, Ice Cream or giant sweet corn.
Firmly in the catagory of films such as "The Incredibles" which both adults and children can enjoy, 'Cloudy' is a tasty dish with wonderful animation, charming characters (a Mayor voiced by the legend that is Bruce 'Evil Dead' Campbell) and a great sense of fun.
An animated acid trip for all the family!!

*****

The Final Destination (2009)

2009-12-05T09:15:00.002Z

Well here we are with the forth in the series, parts 1+2 were great popcorn movies, thrills, chills and loads of gore, part 3 was a tired mess, so can this new (released in 3D in the theaters) release return to the fun of its earlier predecessor's?

Well not really, there's no real suspense, the characters are all 'cardboard cutouts' and pretty loathsome or annoying, and if you've seen the first two movies it's just more of the same, just another remake with different pretty people dying in more and more bizarre circumstances.

*****

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

2009-12-05T09:01:00.004Z

Gerard Butler stars as Clyde Shelton, a decent honest guy, hey, he's a law abiding citizen, that is until two thugs murder his Wife and daughter, he then sets out to kill not just the perpertraters of the crime but all those in the justice system who he feels betrayed him.Basically we've seen this all before, it's nothing more than 'Death Wish' meets 'Saw', but don't let that put you off.

This is highly entertaining stuff, fastly paced, plenty off action and one great shock death scene!!

Perfect Saturday night popcorn entertainment, just don't take it's moral issues to seriously and enjoy this nonsense!

*****

Review Of 2009

2009-12-01T11:56:00.010Z

Five Stars
* District 9
* Up
* Gran Torino
* Anvil:The Story Of Anvil
* The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
* The Wrestler
* Slumdog Millionaire
* Inglorious Basterds

* Looking For Eric

Four Stars
* Jennifers Body
* Public Enemies
* Zombieland
* (500) Days Of Summer
* Crank 2
* The Hurt Locker
* Role Models
* Let The Right One In
* Moon
* I Love You Man
* Martyrs
* Monsters Vrs Aliens
* The Damned United
* Sex Drive
* Bronson
* Rachel Getting Married
* Orphan
* Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past
* Star Trek
* Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs

* Watchmen

Three Stars
* Drag Me To Hell
* Last House On The Left
* Tormented
* Adventureland
* Awaydays
* The Ugly Truth
* 7 Pounds
* Doghouse
* The Hangover
* Knowing
* 12 Rounds
* In The Loop
* Paul Blart:Mall Cop
* The Uninvited
* Splinter
* Clubbed

* Law Abiding Citizen

Two Stars
* New Town Killers
* Transformers 2
* Bruno (what a disappointment!!)
* Nick & Norahs Infinite Playlist
* 2012
* The Final Destination

* G.I Joe-Rise Of The Cobra (last update)

One Star
* Antichrist
* 17 Again
* Saw 6

* Terminator Salvation

(last updated 12/12/09)

Land Of The Dead (2005)

2008-11-14T12:15:00.001Z

Night Of the Living Dead, Dawn Of The Dead, Day Of The Dead, three classics of the horror genre and now 20 years later George A Romero brings us his forth installment of the series, the eagerly awaited Land Of The Dead.

Land is set in a world of have and have-nots, the rich live in a luxury skyscraper, the poor in the fortified shadow of the tower, outside the dead roam the 'ghettos'.Here you can see Romero's social conscience, so evident in Dawn and Land, sadly that is where the comparisons end.The Whole film has nothing new to say, mercenaries run missions, popping zombies who get in their way, zombies feast on human bodies ripping necks, arms and pulling out intestines, people get bitten then blow their brains out rather than go to the 'other side', we get the sympathetic zombie who displays human trait's-the trouble is George it's old hat, we've seen it all before.

So, after a 20 year wait, Land Of The Dead turns out to be a disappointment, it's not a bad film it's just that expectation's were so, so high.

*****

Blades Of Glory (2007)

2007-11-15T14:27:00.002Z

When a comedy stars Will Ferrell and John Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) you pretty much no what to expect.The two leads play Olympic ice skaters who are stripped of their gold medals and banned from the sport after a fight.Years later they discover a loop hole in the banning, they can compete as a pairs act, queue lots of staring at backsides and such like.

You either love or hate someone like Ferrell, I'm in the former.He's starred in some great comedies in the past few years, such films as "Anchorman", "Elf" and "Zoolander" spring to mind, good films that are made funnier with this guy in.Even standard fare such as "Talladega Nights" is more watchable with this lovable buffoon in, and this is the case with "Blades Of Glory".

There's plenty of funny moments in the film, it's nothing amazing, but having Ferrell, and Heder, as leads makes this an enjoyable, fun and totally daft film.

*****

The Crow (2004)

2007-11-14T12:03:00.000Z

I have to admit I've only seen this film once before, way back in the mid 90's when it deputed on video, and for the life of me I couldn't remember a thing about it, many of my friends raved about it so when I saw it advertised on Film4 I hit the Sky+ button, well the equivalent button for a Telewest TvDrive!

Directed by Alex Proyas, who brought us the fine 'I Robot' and the criminally under-rated 'Dark City', 'The Crow' is a beautifully yet eerie tale of revenge.The late Brandon Lee stars in the lead role, a man out for revenge after 'he' and his future wife are murdered.Michael Wincott is one of the screens great baddies, menacing, mean and moody, this is one villain you wouldn't want to tangle with.

The film is a 'super-hero' film very much in the same vein as the sublime 'Batman Returns', there's no damsels in distress to rescue, just revenge to extract on the scum that walk the streets.

*****

I Want Candy (2007)

2007-11-14T12:00:00.001Z

Two film students head to London with their script which they believe will be the first step to Hollywood, they hook up with a dodgy film producer who agrees to finance the film, provided they can get porns hottest star Candy Fiveways (Carmen Electra).

I Want Candy' it must be said is quite a sweet and charming film in a 'The Full Monty' kind of way, sadly though unlike that film, the laughs are few and far between it must be said, I think I went a full hour before a proper laugh, a very amusing scene that all I shall say "required wet wipes"!

The only selling point this film would seem to have is the chance for men to see Carmen Elektra in various sexy outfits and states of undress, something I'm sure you could see say in a Playboy dvd, if she has one that is, not that I'd know about that sort of thing!

Lightweight fluff all in all with a serious lack of laughs I'm afraid.

*****

Mr Brooks (2007)

2007-11-14T11:53:00.000Z

Kevin Costner (remember him?) stars as Earl Brooks, a highly respected local businessman man, loving Husband and Father, who hides a dark secret, a psychofrenic urge to kill.The urge proves too much and when he kills two lovers in their apartment he is seen and caught on film at the scene by a sleezy photographer.The photographer (Dane Cook) though doesn't turn him into the Police or blackmail him though, he wants to learn to kill like Brooks and experience the 'thrill' first hand.

Costner is superb in this film and proves something that we tend to forget, what a very, very good actor he is.Equally good is the reliable William Hurt as Marshal, Mr Brook's alter-ego, this was a great idea for the film as they discussed how they would solve issues and problems together in Mr Brook's life.Supporting cast too is a fine one, Demi Moore (remember her?) is good as the Cop pursuing the killer, CSI Vegas' Marg Heldenberger stars as Mr Brooks oblivious Wife, though I felt her character took a back seat during the second half of the movie.The lovely Reiko Aylesworth of 24 also puts in an appearance as the lawyer out to screw Demi Moore in a divorce proceedings against her money grabbing ex-husband.

The script is clever and intelligent with a good dose of black humour and some neat twists, including one all mighty one at the end!!!

Highly recommended.

*****

Disturbia (2007)

2007-11-14T11:49:00.000Z

A teenager Kale (Shia LeBoef) is tagged and put under house arrest, during this time he becomes convinced his sinister neighbour Mr Turner (David Morse) is a serial killer, and with help from his friend's Ronnie (Aaron Yoo) and new neighbour Ashley (Sarah Roemer) they set out to prove him guilty.

The first obvious comparison is "Rear Window", this time though the voyeur 'spies' on his neighbours not just with binoculars but with a video camera as well, he trawls the net too looking for clues and evidence.Nobody will believe him though, is he suffering from cabin fever, when it looks like he might catch him with guilty evidence, Mr Turner always delivers an alibi.

"Disturbia" is a thoroughly enjoyable, and very quirky, little thriller.There's no unnecessary gore or T&A, just a good old fashioned tense, exciting and well paced little film from director D J Carusso (who has also directed a few episodes of 'The Shield')

*****

Going To Pieces (2006)

2007-09-01T11:26:00.000+01:00

As the title suggests this is a documentary chronicling the rise of the so called slasher movie in the 1980's with such films as "Friday 13th", "Halloween", "Prom Night" and the "Nightmare on Elm Street" right up to the "Scream" series of the mid 90's.

The film contains some great slasher moments (Jason's 'death' etc) but the highlight is the vast array of interviews with big names from the genre, there's the usual big guns such as Wes Craven and John Carpenter, the genius that is Tom Savini, but you also get loads of lesser known names thrown in the mix with plenty of interesting anecdotes such as Paul Lynch ("Prom Night") and Fred Walton ("When a Stranger Calls", "April Fool's Day").

If you're a fan of the genre, which I am, then you'll love this highly enjoyable documentary

Fast food Nation (2007)

2007-08-31T11:29:00.000+01:00

'Fast Food Nation' is based on the 2001 best selling book book of the same name and and centres on a fictional fast food chain 'Mickeys' .The story is told from the point of view of different people involved in the industry, you could say this is the Burger version of 'Traffic'.We have Don (Greg Kinnear) a high ranking marketing executive of Mickeys who is concerned at an independent company's research into the meat in their Burgers and decides to investigate, Sylvia, Raul and Coco three Mexican nationals who illegally enter the States for a better life and are employed by the Meat Company who supply Mickeys burgers and finally Brian and Amber, two high school kids who work at their local Mickeys.

The three inter-weaving stories on the whole are very good, things do get a bit dull when Brian and Amber join an animal rights group in school and try to release cows who will be slaughtered for the Meat Company.On the whole though the film is pretty entertaining, though hardly ground breaking, yes we know these company's treat their staff pretty poorly, the meat is not good quality, and they will lie to cover up any 'chinks in their armour'

*****

Satans Little Helper (2004)

2007-08-29T11:37:00.002+01:00

It was a dull Bank Holiday evening on tv, I was channel surfing when I got to the Horror Zone, this was about to start so I thought I'd give it a go for a laugh, I wasn't really expecting to be scared quite frankly.Boy was I right, as a horror film this is a complete disaster, as an unintentional comedy this was absolute blast.

The story, if you can call it that, it's Hallows Eve, a serial killer wearing a Satanic mask is murdering the locals, unwittingly a young lad becomes his accomplice to the murders.
The film is really quite mad, mental even, Amanda Plummer as the Mother I'm sure was drunk on set, so bad is her performance, the acting ability of the killer, known as Satan Man, consists of being able to walk and point.
The film does have some intentionally amusing moments such as a guy being attacked by a shopping cart and kudos must go to Katheryn Winnick and the real star of the film, her very impressive cleavage.

This film deserves one star, so bad it is, but it's so bad its good, and I was never bored during it's entire running time, so it would deserve 5 stars!!

*****

The Assasination Of Richard Nixon (2004)

2007-08-29T11:31:00.000+01:00

Loosely based on the true story, Sean Penn stars as Samuel Joseph Byck a furniture salesman who live seems to be going downhill fast.Separated from his wife, under performs in his job and is constantly rejected by banks in his effort to ressurect his brothers old tyre business.When his wife serves him divorce papers and he is turned down for a bank loan his state of mind crumbles and he hatch's an elaborate plan to hijack an airliner and crash it into The White House.

The combination of an excellent story and a stunning performance from Penn make this compelling viewing, Penn must surely be one of the finest actors of his generation.The film is quite reminiscent of 'Taxi Driver', Samuel and Travis Bickle have a lot in common, ordinary hard working Americans constantly being put down by the establishment and those in power.

Powerful, taught and a dynamite performance from Penn.

*****

After The Sunset (2004)

2006-11-14T19:03:00.000Z

It's a tough life for Max (Pierce Brosnan) he lives in a luxury villa on a tropical paradise shacked up with Salam Heyek eating lobster every day, trouble is, he's a master thief and can't resist one last job to retire on.

After The Sunset really is a lamer, duller poor mans' Thomas Crown Affair, the dialoge is on the whole pretty dire:
"How was the tennis lesson?"
"Great! The instructor said I had a great backside"
"That's backswing"

Give me break, the film really has only two saving graces and they both belong to the stunning Salma Hayek as she parades around in a variety of bikini's and low cut tops which show her ample charms, pity she can't act for toffee and is wooden as her home D.I.Y.

The film has a twist but even this end's in a half-arsed fashion, an eye candy movie and a poor one at that.

*****

Date Movie (2006)

2006-11-14T12:07:00.000Z

Dreadfull yes, but no worse than I expected, that's how low/high my expectations.

The real head-scratcher about this movie is that it parady's comedys, when Airplane came out its whole coup-de-grace was its mickey taking of serious genre movies, in paticular the Airport and disaster movies of it's time.

Date Movie spends almost 15 minutes of it's short running time almost re-enacting entire scenes from the 'Meet The Parents' films, and then throws in some spoofs of 'When Harry Met Sally', 'Say Anything' and the pants in the sink gag from 'Planes,Trains And Automobiles'!! (really topical stuff there guys)

Saving graces?
Well there are a few amusing moments, but the trouble is, that for every good gag you get dozen or so off target.
Oh, and Alyson Hannigan does look so cute.

*****

London To Brighton (2006)

2006-11-14T11:43:00.000Z

It's three in the morning, a prostitute called Kelly with ripped clothes and inflamed black eye bustles a terrified 12 year old girl into a public toilet somewhere in South London,they are fleeing from someone and decide to get the next train to Brighton.As the film progresses we slowly learn what has happened via a series of flashbacks, and it's a very harrowing subject.

I have to admit I was blown away by this 'little' film, yes the subject is deeply unpleasant, but it is handled maturely, there are no 'Lock Stock' style bad guys in this film, just ordinary people, some good, but a lot of very very sadistic violent characters.You really care for the characters which is the most important essence of any film, the acting is superb, especially Lorraine Stanley as Kelly and newcomer, Georgie Groome who is barely a teenager and puts in a stunning performance as the terrified youngster Joanne.

This is a quite brilliant debut from a young film-maker, Paul Andrew Williams, he recently quite rightly won a best newcomer award at the Edinburgh Film Festival, and for me it's one of the best British movies ever.

Kidulthood (2006)

2006-11-14T11:41:00.000Z

Very much like a Brit version of Larry Clarke's "'Kids', 'Kidulthood' tells the of a bunch of 15 year old's in London.Like 'Kids' like young people in this film really are the dregs of society, drug taking, prostitution, casual sex, bullying, you name it, this group of social rejects get up to it.

Bar the pregnant Trife you really have no sympathy for any of the characters, at time's you could do with subtitles the dialogues so bad with the mix of US gangsta/London cockney drawl.

The plot is good though as one bad thing happens after another, you know this film will climax with no happy ending, not in the same league as the aforementioned 'Kids' but still a good effort.

*****

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (2005)

2005-12-25T12:12:00.001Z

The original (Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory) was a great kids movie with a very dark under-belly, so the prospect of a remake directed by Tim Burton,a guy who has directed some of my favourite films from the past decade, Mars Attacks! Sleepy Hollow, Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood (we'll forget the dull Big Fish And flawed Planet Of The Apes) and starring the charismatic and talented Johnny Depp filled me with high expectations.

I'm happy to say my expectations were met and surpassed is marvelous as the eccentric Wonka, the sets are out of this world, virtual eye candy throughout the entire film, the songs catchy and fun.There's no overdose of sentimentality, the criticism of the Americanization of the movie and the unnecessary addition of Wonkas childhood to the film are completely unfounded, in fact the final 'new' scene was a very warming and touching finale to a magical movie.

*****

The Manchurian Candidate (2004)

2005-11-14T19:01:00.002Z

The original Manchurian Candidate was released in 1962 and not only had I not seen it, I hadn't even heard of it.
So, unlike recent releases such as Dawn Of The Dead, The Italian Job and Assault On Precinct 13 I had very little idea what to expect on viewing this film.
What you do get is a fine blend of Jacobs Ladder style paranoia, conspiracy and US government post 9/11 anti-terrorist propaganda.

The assembled cast is second to none, Denzil Washington, Jon Voight, Liev Shreiber are all superb but the star of the show is Meryl Streep as the power crazy, control freak mother/Senator Eleanor Shaw:
"Make no mistake, the American people are terrified, they know something's coming, they can feel it"
Remind you of anyone?

*****

A top quality cast, fine performance's and a fairly riveting plot make The Manchurian Candidate highly recommended viewing.

Wolf Creek (2005)

2005-11-14T12:14:00.001Z

Wolf Creek is straight out of the no-holds-barred 70's style horror film that was so successfully for films such as Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes and The Last House On The Left, shot almost documentary style the villains are pure evil, and the violence graphic, brutal and visceral.

The film claims, like Chainsaw, to be based on true events but it is only loosely based on the 'backpacker murders 89-92 committed by Ivan Milat.The premise is simple, 3 tourists get stranded in the Australian Outback and are 'rescued' by, whom seems to be, a friendly Crocodile Dundee character Mick Taylor, soon though a broken down car is the least of their troubles.

After The Descent it's yet again a pleasure to watch another bare knuckle and gritty horror release this year.

*****

XXX2:State Of The Union (2005)

2005-09-14T18:53:00.000+01:00

State Of The Union is the sequel to 2002's Vin Diesel fronted James Bond actioner XXX, this time the all action grunt is supplied by Ice Cube as he hunts down Willam Defoe, who leads a military splinter cell who plan to overthrow the US Government.

The film crashes and bangs from one action scene to another as our 'hero' steals sports cars, speed boats and tanks whilst only pausing breath during the gunfire and explosions to utter some cheesy dialogue " I was born looking guilty", all the time we're deafened by a nu-metal/rap soundtrack.

All black men are cool tough street-wise guys, white men are square and middle class, whilst all the women parade around with large cleavages shaking their 'booty'!

The action scenes though spectacular aren't too convincing, in fact the final chase scenes are almost 'cartoonish' resembling a cross between Roger Rabbit and The incredible.

The whole movie is utterly preposperous but never dull and boring so at least it has some redeeming features if they are few and far between.

Some Kind Of Monster (2004)

2004-11-14T19:14:00.000Z

Now, I've been, or rather was, a big fan of Metallica, since I first heard the awesome "Ride The Lightning" LP back in 1984 (oh gawd I feel old).I had the privilege to see them live twice in the mid 80's (at Donington, and headlining with Anthrax-what a bill!!) and this to me really was their heyday.

Of course a lot has happened since then.

They are without doubt the biggest Metal band on the planet, each album has sold millions, each tour sold out in hours.
It hasn't been all roses though as there have been some lows, the tragic death of Cliff Burton, the Napster fiasco, and more recently the problems that arose during the recording of their last studio LP "St Anger" (their first full Lp since 1996's "Load")

This superb documentary chronicles the bands story from early 2001 when they regrouped to start work on that album, it shows the recording sessions, the arguments, news clips of the Napster episode, interviews with Dave Mustaine and Jason Newstead, and also James battle with alcoholism .
As expected Lars and James come across as self-centered ego-maniacs (though since James has quit drink he does seem to have changed for the better) and Dave Mustaine and Jason Newsted as really decent blokes.

If you're a fan of Metallica or rock music in general then I can't recommend this high enough to you.

Hotel Rwanda (2004)

2004-11-14T19:10:00.000Z

Hotel Rwanda tells the harrowing, and as far as the West is concerned, disgracefully story of Paul Rusesabagina, a hotel owner in war torn Rwanda who shelters over a 1,000 Tutsi refugees from certain death from the rampaging Hutu people in 1994.

Don Cheadle is an acting tour-de-force as he as proved when given the opportunity (Traffic) and not given roles which waste his considerable talent (Oceans whatever).The supporting cast is also excellent, Sophie Okonedo as Paul's wife, Nick Nolte as a helpless but strong U.N peacekeeper and a small, but excellent role, for Joaquin Phoenix as a U.S war reporter.

Powerful, shocking, dramatic and uplifting, films like Hotel Rwanda should be compulsory viewing as a testament to man's inhumanity to man and the West chooses to ignore these events when it's Governments see no 'profit.

A Tale Of Two Sister (2004)

2004-11-14T18:58:00.000Z

A Tale Of Two Sisters (Jangwa, Hongryeon) is a South Korean movie which I have been meaning to see for some time after gaining some very favourable reviews in the UK media upon it's dvd release last year .

Narrative wise this film has a lot in common with the excellent Sixth Sense and The Others with the style of The Grudge, the film is very slow moving with a few 'jumpy' moments, but is more about building a story than scaring the life out of you..

One massive difference between this film and Sixth Sense,Others etc is that the plot outcome isn't as clear cut as those films, you will be scratching your head for the last 15 minutes and probably during the credits as I was, but don't put this down as a criticism, I mean, Donnie Darko had a huge proportion of it's audience perplexed for some time after it's release in 2003!

Wimbledon (2004)

2004-11-14T18:56:00.002Z

Double Gloucester, Brie, Cheddar and Wimbledon, what do they have in common?

Cheese that's what.

Really this has to be one of the most cliched and cheesy movies I have ever seen, you thought Four Weddings was terribly English, you ain't seen "nothink yet guvenor".

In case the Yank audience forget where Wimbedon is, you get shot upon shot of The Tower Of London, Trafalgar Square, London Buses, Black Cabs, The London Eye, The Houses Of Parliament, all that was missing was a punk rocker with a mohawk!

Everybody eats fish and chips (which gets mentioned 3 times)and Strawberry's and cream, the crowd are all decked out in Union Jack t-shirts and umbrellas, I was half expecting the Pearly King and Queen to make an appearance!

The story is so glaring straight cut, crap English tennis player comes good, falls for sexy and sassy Yank, Daddy doesn't agree, they split up, English chap plays crap in the Final, then the ex turns up, confesses her dying love for him and English bloke kicks the nasty opponents ass.

We know the opponent is a nasty man because one of his serves hit's the ballboy (who incidently is straight out of Oliver Twist) smack in the face, to which our hero exclaims:
"It's one thing to mess with me but you didn't have to mess with the boy!!"

Priceless!

*****

Fracture (2007)

2004-11-14T11:59:00.001Z

(Sir) Anthony Hopkins stars as Ted Crawford a successful and very wealthy engineer who shoots his wife after discovering she is having an affair.Lawyer Willy Beachum (Ryan Gosling) has to prove what seems and open and shut case, that he did it, this starts to prove more and more difficult as Ted weaves his way through legal loopholes.

I have to admit I was quite looking forward to this film, the first hour it build up quite well, as the prosecution case slowly disintegrates, the trouble is the final half hour or so seems so laboured, I was expecting a real sting in the tail. My biggest problem has to be Anthony Hopkins, I really can't take the guy seriously since "Silence Of The Hams", sorry "Lambs", it's all Hannibal Lekter cheese with an accent that flips from English to Welsh, and then bizarrely Irish!

Not a bad film by any standard, just a very ordinary one I'm afraid.

*****

Switchblade Romance (2003)

2003-11-14T19:09:00.001Z

..and there was I thinking this years The Descent was gory! Strap yourselves in for this French( yes I said French!) high octane, stalk and slash flick which never skimps on the blood, by the end of the film what's remaining of the cast resemble those mad Spaniards who partake in that annual tomato throwing event!

The plot is your average horror flick, young women stalked by homicidal maniac, but the film is classily shot, creepy, scary and as pointed out lovely and gory with throats and limbs slashed and a tasty decapitate. (always a plus point in any movie!)
The film has a pretty smart twist at the end which I thought worked, though the popcorn crowd seem to treat it with disdain as it involves some thought.

The good news too is that director, Alexandre Aja, is to direct the forthcoming remake of the 70's classic The Hills Have Eyes, the odds on solid scary horror movie look very promising.

*****